Stay F. Homekins: with Janie Haddad Tompkins & Paul F. Tompkins

You Get What You Pay For. Episode 7.

May 01, 2020 Photo by Rebecca Sanabria Season 1 Episode 7
Stay F. Homekins: with Janie Haddad Tompkins & Paul F. Tompkins
You Get What You Pay For. Episode 7.
Stay F. Homekins: with Janie Haddad Tompkins & Paul F. Tompkins
You Get What You Pay For. Episode 7.
May 01, 2020 Season 1 Episode 7
Photo by Rebecca Sanabria

Difficult emotions take a toll. Janie stupefies Paul with a botched Peaches song lyric. Paul waxes poetic about biking. And the duo fixes reality TV. A.R. Gurney are you listening? (From heaven?)

Show Notes Transcript

Difficult emotions take a toll. Janie stupefies Paul with a botched Peaches song lyric. Paul waxes poetic about biking. And the duo fixes reality TV. A.R. Gurney are you listening? (From heaven?)

spk_0:   0:01
day 500 37 of the era.

spk_1:   0:09
A cove in 19. Wow! Shot! It's a covert right in the first minute. Hello! Welcome to stay at home, Kins. This is a quarantine podcast. We are. God damn Mary! God damn married couple. My name is Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Jamie Hadad Tompkins Comedian. I'm an actress. Together we make match thick and where no one can see

spk_0:   0:36
we won't be ableto work for two years. That's right. We're

spk_1:   0:40
watching our industry, Marty McFly I into nonexistence trip before our very eyes.

spk_0:   0:46
It's often

spk_1:   0:48
luckily, during this troubled time, we had a major appliance break on us.

spk_0:   0:53
Oh, my God, guys. Yeah, Yeah, that's happening. We fixed where it's all gonna work out that way through money at the problem that we have to pay back later. Yeah, later,

spk_1:   1:11
when all the jobs return,

spk_0:   1:14
we just threw money at the problem in like, honestly, it was such an emotional roller coaster.

spk_1:   1:21
It really was. But we ultimately realized that this washer and dryer that we bought when we moved here to tow our home Yeah, we had

spk_0:   1:31
also had been

spk_1:   1:32
serviced many times.

spk_0:   1:33
I would like so proud that I scored us such a deal on them. They were like the floor model

spk_1:   1:40
right, which I think means that people at Best Buy were actually washing.

spk_0:   1:45
I don't know what they were doing with

spk_1:   1:46
it. I think with the doors closed, everyone who worked at Best Buy have brought their laundry and right to save wear and tear on the road machines. Exactly. But so ultimately, it's like if you've ever had that experience of I bought a thing that he's never worked right. It's

spk_0:   2:08
been a lot of money on you. Spent a lot of fucking money. I mean, I did score the deal. It's just a high ticket item.

spk_1:   2:14
Here's the thing. You get the

spk_0:   2:16
O. You know what? That's your next podcast. What? How? Because that that catchphrases everything.

spk_1:   2:29
So everything else takes care of itself.

spk_0:   2:31
E. I just started it is that you have guests and they have stories of throwing good money after bad. That's relatable. It's relatable. Yeah, I mean, a

spk_1:   2:44
lot of things air relatable that aren't fun to listen to. However, you cannot deny that my delivery of you get which pay good again. You get what you pay for that would hook people in every success.

spk_0:   2:57
Good. I think it's good. I think it could be a TV show. How I've already

spk_1:   3:05
saying It can't be a

spk_0:   3:06
podcast, but you're wrong. There's a TV show, have people. There's a TV show of people watching TV called the People's Couch, which Paul was like into. For a long time,

spk_1:   3:22
I have very much enjoyed the people's couch. Yes,

spk_0:   3:24
which is based on anyway. I'm just saying

spk_1:   3:26
there's a British show called Goggle Box. I believe

spk_0:   3:28
I'm just saying, If that can be a show you get, who would you pay

spk_1:   3:33
for what you are? Hopkins. Yeah, that should be

spk_0:   3:40
Oh my God, it's so good. You go to people's homes after this is post vaccine pitch, you go to people's homes. All right, We bought these things at Best Buy. They have cost us more money, and by the way, it bore Hardy. I've done the math. I I put how much we bottom for how much we spent on repairs over the years, and then I divided. But by how many months? It was like $30 a month, and now it's gone. We don't have to think of it like we rented them. You think

spk_1:   4:22
You Yeah. Yeah, but here's the thing that wasn't even the lowest point. It wasn't. Point was,

spk_0:   4:31
I've already blocked everything on it on that.

spk_1:   4:33
Well, this is very recent Today, though,

spk_0:   4:36
that way

spk_1:   4:36
we went and got food and McDonald's,

spk_0:   4:38
we did first of all, that. Okay, It was a happy thing because we went, he ran an errand That's going to get us out. The how

spk_1:   4:50
We ran a good errand. We went here. We bought bikes when we moved to this neighborhood, which is very, very flat l air to get When we moved to Bel Air. Once the gate closed, we looked around. We like

spk_0:   5:06
this place is great. It looks hilly, but behind the gate, it's flat.

spk_1:   5:11
They make it appear that they have, Yeah, to keep people out.

spk_0:   5:16
That's right,

spk_1:   5:17
because people are like, I want to steal from those rich people. Yeah, don't drag the giant Jeff Flat screen

spk_0:   5:25
TV up the hill. But then they closed the gate. In its weight class is like Pleasantville weight with not Pleasantville with the

spk_1:   5:32
one about the flat

spk_0:   5:34
fake the fake thing where the light falls on Jim Carrey's head Truman Show, Trim and Joe. Guys, where were we? Oh, so

spk_1:   5:47
So we went. So we got these bikes and then

spk_0:   5:50
we never you. I used mine for a while. We'll never been a You're a

spk_1:   5:56
vacation bike person.

spk_0:   5:58
You goddamn right I am. She loves a bag of vacation. God damn right I am.

spk_1:   6:02
But I like Teoh. I really like.

spk_0:   6:04
I like to bike around L A

spk_1:   6:06
Before I got my driver's on and I had I didn't I've never had, like, a fancy bike. I had cruiser bikes always, and I used

spk_0:   6:16
to You got really strong calves

spk_1:   6:19
that people don't know about. People don't know, and I I don't talk about it. It's a family trait, but I have rock solid. I have very strong, very strong and very shapely calves. And I know our friend John Hodgman. He talks about his calves a

spk_0:   6:38
lot. Yes, he does. We talk about other things that I mean, I'm

spk_1:   6:43
sure his calves were fined. I've never looked personally.

spk_0:   6:47
I haven't either. I don't take those liberties with my friends.

spk_1:   6:50
Yeah, yeah. You got a You got a steak at home. You don't go out for hamburger. You know, what I'm

spk_0:   6:54
saying? How many? How matter you that when you didn't have a license and you bite everywhere, there was a stigma to it? Versus by the time you got the license and started driving instead of biking everywhere, there became a stigma to that.

spk_1:   7:27
To driving you feel like environmentally it z achieved the point of stigma.

spk_0:   7:32
I would say, like, okay, pre driver's license when people would be like what? It you drag in the and you're like, I take a bike or take a cab, very get rides. And now, if you were like, I don't wanna Kahraman, I bike everywhere. They've like Whoa, that's like so right. That's like so, like conscientious. But it like it was like a flip of the switch.

spk_1:   8:07
Absolutely. Yes, it doesn't bother me at all because I love driving so much on, I know. And here's the thing. I know that it is environmentally bad

spk_0:   8:18
now, my car Selectric, but with

spk_1:   8:20
your cars are electric. And I'd like to I like my car lot and I hope I hope that I can get an electric version of my car. Um, but also I do feel like not having had a car. You had a smaller, much smaller footprint. But anyway, so we So I used to ride my cruiser bike all over town. Loved it. The two I years ago when I first started working in L. A. When I first started making money, I got myself a bike. Um, that was a reproduction of a classic Schwinn bike. And it was beautiful. It was a blue bike. Schwinn no speeds, just a cruiser. But it looked like, you know, in 19 fifties, like a red. It was beautiful. Vintage, extremely comfortable,

spk_0:   9:12
not vintage. It was new to

spk_1:   9:14
lose. Vented. Yeah, but when I wrote around, yeah, people loved seeing me like strangers. They because I would like I would bike to work. And so I'd wear a coat and tie, huh? And people fucking love seeming on that bike. What they would

spk_0:   9:35
happen to the bike.

spk_1:   9:37
Well, it was very heavy.

spk_0:   9:40
Oh, that's right. You told me that

spk_1:   9:41
when I moved, I moved to an apartment where I lived on the fourth floor and I could not

spk_0:   9:47
on Cherokee.

spk_1:   9:47
What I couldn't. I wasn't like they wouldn't let us lock our bikes up on the premises outside and so I had to carry it up to mind.

spk_0:   9:56
Which is probably a good idea in Hollywood, anyway, that you didn't leave it outside. Yeah,

spk_1:   10:01
but there is a There was, uh, uh, place on the property behind a gate that I could have locked up would not let us do. So I I sold that bike or a game. I think I gave it away. I think I gave it to someone.

spk_0:   10:15
Like someone, you know. Did you give it to that neighbor Matthew? A neighbor Math.

spk_1:   10:20
Yeah, I remember Matthew. I can't remember

spk_0:   10:22
Facebook friend. I think I sold. I

spk_1:   10:26
think it sold to somebody and I got a smaller, lighter Chris a bike. And then when we moved here about that, but that but to belly her that that cruiser bike I had had for a long time. And, um, when we moved here because so much flatter than my old apartment. I said, You know what? I'm gonna get myself one of those reproductions again. And so I got another one. Did you not have that color? But they had. But I got one, and I absolutely love it. So it's nice. It's a really nice But

spk_0:   11:00
then Paul talked me into buying a bike, and I didn't want toe put money into a bike because I don't bike because I'm not a thick ish. And so I got some. I got a bite for, like 150 bucks on Amazon, and but you had to assemble it

spk_1:   11:15
and you did a good job

spk_0:   11:17
by taking it to the bike. That's right, but it's a great

spk_1:   11:20
bike. Your bike is great.

spk_0:   11:21
It's fine. It's not. It's not as comfortable is like a Schwinn Cruiser, though, is not. It looks comfortable. It's not. But you replace the sea or put a pad on the seat. But it really just had cover like that. Like a foam. Yeah, maybe like a foam mattress. Have a hemorrhoid pillow under what? A hemorrhoid doughnut? I probably won't be using my travel pillow for a long time Now. You think I get like Velcro? Volkert around looks anyway, good life back.

spk_1:   11:55
So we get life back. We we I wrote. I wrote my back for a while. We didn't ride together that much. The idea was like we could also ride in the neighborhood to different restaurants and bars and whatever. Um And so we got all our equipment, helmets and locks and stuff. And then a couple years ago, we just stopped. Our lives

spk_0:   12:16
are a little crazy. That's that's what happened. Things we didn't like. I heard life is what happens when you're busy making plans. Other plans? What? What other plan? I don't know. What were

spk_1:   12:30
the That's the lyric. Look, take it up with John Lennon in heaven. Or maybe

spk_0:   12:35
don't can't. Mm. He was complicated.

spk_1:   12:39
Nobody talks so much about not believing in God like that. Imagine song.

spk_0:   12:45

spk_1:   12:46
There's no way God was just

spk_0:   12:48
imagine. Just imagine it. Come on. Are you saying like you could be, like in hell? Because he was kind of grouchy and like he slept around and stuff?

spk_1:   12:56
No. I think God was mad that he was putting that idea into people's heads.

spk_0:   13:01
Bigger thing is a little grumpy.

spk_1:   13:04
Hey, talk to God. I don't make the rules, so

spk_0:   13:08
I don't know. I think like I think, like all, didn't they as like, Are you bigger than Jesus or something? And like, No, they didn't ask. Are you bigger than Jesus in that interview? Listen, volunteered that he was saying he was being, like, kind of tongue in cheek then?

spk_1:   13:24
No, no, he was making a commentary about religion

spk_0:   13:27
in the song are in an interview. I'm talking about the Oh, OK, I've got the cans on, Dial it down

spk_1:   13:36
heavy hangs the head that wears the crown

spk_0:   13:39
Ain't that God

spk_1:   13:40
in the interview in the height of bulimia?

spk_0:   13:43
Yes. By the way, I I am obsessed with the Beetle Anthology.

spk_1:   13:50
Okay, I'm gonna take

spk_0:   13:51
a talking, Okay? I did. You might if evidence based, yeah, fact

spk_1:   13:59
that have passed his prologue. So he in the interview, he was making a commentary about the decline of, ah, spirituality and religion and saying that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Wasn't saying like, Hey, we did it right? Finally pulled ahead of

spk_0:   14:23
him. He was being sort of, um, hyperbolic. He wasn't saying, like, were bigger than Jesus. He was saying like, It's crazy, Like, were bigger than Jesus.

spk_1:   14:33
Well, then he had to come out and he had to do a retraction on Explain it further,

spk_0:   14:37
right? Like Trump was being sarcastic by saying like shoot lights on your

spk_1:   14:41
Let's we gotta make it. No, Trump,

spk_0:   14:44
I just thought it was such a great comparison. Because it's almost I understand a nickel.

spk_1:   14:48
I understand. But let's let's say for one hour a week,

spk_0:   14:53
I don't First of all, I don't even say his name. Like when I You just did 10 show. Well, I was making a joke, okay?

spk_1:   15:03
Just like what Trump said.

spk_0:   15:05
You said his name just now. No, I didn't. Yes, you day.

spk_1:   15:09
I never said that

spk_0:   15:12
guide, but this has been an emotionally challenging week.

spk_1:   15:18
Yeah, there's been a tough week. There's been a taste. It has

spk_0:   15:20
been hard, hard.

spk_1:   15:23
Let me finish the story about the bikes. Oh, yeah, the bikes. So the bike sat in the garage for a couple of years.

spk_0:   15:30
Yeah, I'm a I'm scared of, I

spk_1:   15:33
I think like earlier this year,

spk_0:   15:36
Yes. You said it like every year. Like we need to get the bites that we need to use them.

spk_1:   15:42
And then earlier this year, I went in to take a look at them. Tires are flat, pumped up the tyres. However, we each had one flat tire. And

spk_0:   15:51
that is not a unit euphemism. Wouldn't be you from I have one fat tire. Wait. Flat tire What's the thing? They're on your waist. Spare time. Yeah, This is very tough.

spk_1:   16:09
So neither one of us. We we briefly talked about YouTube. Tutorials on how toe repair by.

spk_0:   16:20
Oh, yeah. That was my big suggestion. Yes. Way don't have to pay them one.

spk_1:   16:24
And then we both knew We both knew we weren't gonna do that. And so we finally today, I I assumed like, well, bike shops were closed. And then our friend David Reese and I was texting with him, and he said, No, bike shops are open, essential business businesses. So we took. So today we had a curbside. We had this thing this, um, mount for the car.

spk_0:   16:50
It's got a bike rack

spk_1:   16:51
by crack. Thank you. We have this bike rack that we has been sitting outside.

spk_0:   16:56
It took me 45 minutes to put it on You

spk_1:   17:01
Did. You got it?

spk_0:   17:02
Yeah. It was like a like a MENSA puzzle for me. Like laying in its on its side on unraveling all the straps. And it was like a big octopus. And I was like this in that. Anyway, this is so boring. We need to cut, do another part of the story. Okay, when we went to McDonalds,

spk_1:   17:27
so we took the bikes. Today, I'm just thinking of all the threads that air dangling. Okay, so we took the bikes to this bike shop. We thought we're gonna leave him there overnight. The guy just fix the tires, and that was it.

spk_0:   17:47
And then

spk_1:   17:47
and we said like, Oh, don't need, like, a tune up or anything. He's like,

spk_0:   17:51
No, there's not a

spk_1:   17:52
whole lot of miles on these

spk_0:   17:53
kind of shame us.

spk_1:   17:55
I don't think he intended to. But, man Oh, man, that was the result.

spk_0:   17:58
It was like, Yeah, we know we don't bike. It was

spk_1:   18:05
we didn't know, but we didn't get the satisfaction.

spk_0:   18:08
We really Ah, yeah, yeah, that's right. We're like, we don't like

spk_1:   18:14
like we're proud of.

spk_0:   18:15
We don't want to, like, stress them too much bikes too much. So we just let him say

spk_1:   18:20
we take care of our things.

spk_0:   18:21
We let him sit around their cobwebs in the spokes.

spk_1:   18:27
We're probably should wiped off the cobwebs before we talk.

spk_0:   18:30
It was like, anyway,

spk_1:   18:32
so then afterwards and it was hot today

spk_0:   18:34
and but they urinated in the bushes. It's really happen.

spk_1:   18:43
But you made it happen.

spk_0:   18:44
I did make the first

spk_1:   18:45
two spots you proposed. I was very surprised. They were very out in the open. I don't know where you ended up,

spk_0:   18:53
e. I went on a little private. Uh, this is

spk_1:   18:59
but I was really

spk_0:   19:00
private mission. It was like a private because he said he didn't have

spk_1:   19:04
to go that badly. But then the places he proposed, like someone who was dying of urine poisoning,

spk_0:   19:14
it was like I did have to kind of go badly. I just didn't want you to feel bad about it. Oh, you think you're like Maybe there's somewhere behind this strip mall. So but the strip mall, what you didn't know is the strip mall, like, went on like there were buildings by that out, like like ups, drugs and stuff back there. And then I was like there was like, a There was some bushes along the side, and I was like, Well, my crouch in these bushes. So therefore, uh, Crouching Jeannie hidden in urine. It was like it was like I was like, but I was like, I'm just gonna had to go. So I did it, and I'm like, crouching and my face is covered Bandanna. And I'm like, Oh, you know, whatever. And And there was like a someone did drive by and I just, like, bound my head and closed my eyes as its you couldn't

spk_1:   20:19
see them. They couldn't see

spk_0:   20:20
you. I needed, like, the emotional cover of, like, people think I wasn't doing what I was doing and ah, however and I just can't like my internal dialogue was just like men pee outside all the time. You know, like, this is what they dio. Is it true? I mean, it is right. I don't I ate through. I don't know

spk_1:   20:47
that it's I don't I mean, like, I'm trying over the last time I did that. And it's, you know,

spk_0:   20:53
I've done it way more than you

spk_1:   20:56
may have. You caught up to me. You haven't laughed me up, but I think you've got

spk_0:   21:00
It was just happened. And then and then I was like, You know, there's a McDonald's on the way home before you get to Bel Air, and I was like, I want some french fries.

spk_1:   21:11
This is the last McDonald's before Bel Air.

spk_0:   21:13
Yeah, I have, like had french fries in the age of Corona yet

spk_1:   21:20
which is just a

spk_0:   21:21
few know it's been 10 years. 10 years is the age of Corona. Also, you had fries a left eight years. I'm saying the age of Corona has if you're talking like dog years of crony years

spk_1:   21:36
Oh, I see. Yeah, I wasn't privy to that. But that scale, So we

spk_0:   21:44
were like, I want I like to use him McDonnell surprise. And then Paul is like, Yeah, what? You said I could do whatever he was driving. Yes,

spk_1:   21:55
that's right. You have your captive when you're driving, you master. Yes, Master French. Whatever You wish, Master

spk_0:   22:05
from McDonald's, is it? You wish.

spk_1:   22:08
Whatever you wish, Master. So we pulled into the McDonald's and we saw a bunch of cars,

spk_0:   22:14
guys, So And added downloading the app

spk_1:   22:17
got the app so we could do, like, touchless transaction on.

spk_0:   22:22
And then I was like, Amazing.

spk_1:   22:24
Yeah, we're gonna wait here the

spk_0:   22:25
whole meal really here

spk_1:   22:26
for a couple little bags of fries. Let's go all the way with this disgusting video and let's get a whole meal.

spk_0:   22:33
I didn't say this to you out loud, but I am now my meat of my medium felt like a small It was Yeah, there were like, there was no, like, over filling. That was gonna that wasn't like even, you know, even like the icon of the fries on the app were more Freis way Should have

spk_1:   23:00
gotten one large fries and split it.

spk_0:   23:03
I don't like to do that. Yes, master Know what we should have done is gotten to Lord

spk_1:   23:11
So we so we got the food, we got home. I Janey brought the food and I, like, undid the bikes. Can I just go ahead? Need

spk_0:   23:22
hungry? I couldn't wait

spk_1:   23:24
And you got a summer from your walk earlier today. So this has been So now we have the disgust of McDonald's in us. We're having our cocktails.

spk_0:   23:35
You know what is helping Mum? Weekend water? Because it takes a shame away. Take the shame away Take the shame away from that song. What song? I don't remember But you know what I'm talking about? No. Take the same way You are a cult. Who are you talking about? Take the pain away. It's take the pain away Take the thing

spk_1:   24:12
This sounds to me like head on Apply directly to the foreign.

spk_0:   24:23
I'm like crying right now. Like tears Take the pain, take the boon Or is it like an excess? Or so it's like, uh um oh, it's like an eighties m o situation or something. Somebody out there is given the mill, and they're gonna be, like, actually from the 19. And it's not gonna be dig. I just like reading to ask somebody on the we need to ask you go or computer, you walk it up. Oh, my God. But there were other reasons why this week with Well, I mean, there's old kinds of reasons why this week was challenging, but, like like, I don't know, everyone sort of stuck with their emotional life right now. And there are

spk_1:   25:23
just a little change of scenery and, you know, there's the you know, it's it's there's a lot of anxiety going on, and I feel like for the most part, we've been doing pretty well. But this week definitely felt like I really felt it this week.

spk_0:   25:40
Yeah, I would like I would like I'm not gonna make it look. Make it God's gonna make it. I was like, This isn't this isn't sustainable like I can't.

spk_1:   25:54
Well, you know what? It's not. It's not sustainable. And we are gonna because we're probably gonna be stuck in here like this for at least another month, you know?

spk_0:   26:04
Right, Because there were not

spk_1:   26:05
figure out we're trying to figure out where the open select things, but then it's also it gets into How much do you trust that in Bala Blah, But much like they're trying to figure that out, we have to figure out things that we can dio so we don't go.

spk_0:   26:23
Great. Well, I'm gonna sell. I sell my pilot

spk_1:   26:26
really working on a script.

spk_0:   26:27
Yeah, and it's so good. But here's what's gonna happen. You know, you're ready yet?

spk_1:   26:35
I'm ready up with the ideas. So

spk_0:   26:36
the idea is good, but like, uh,

spk_1:   26:39
I know a lot about

spk_0:   26:40
There are people in it, so it's not just one person. There are people in it, so they're gonna have to be together on the set.

spk_1:   26:49
See, honey, you fucked up. Should have written one person TV.

spk_0:   26:52
All right, E should have.

spk_1:   26:56
Can I tell you this is the thing that you don't know about? But on the topic of this being an emotionally challenging week, huh? I think this was yesterday. Who can say I think this happened yesterday, though

spk_0:   27:11
I'm listening.

spk_1:   27:12
As you know, I've been playing animal Crossing.

spk_0:   27:14
I sure dio

spk_1:   27:16
I've turned a corner with the game. Ah, people who play the game will understand The famous musician K K Slider has visited my island. Thank God, this is open things

spk_0:   27:26
like really

spk_1:   27:28
in the game.

spk_0:   27:30
Like for real, though, like he's sitting at home and like, oh, Polo

spk_1:   27:34
Island, he's made up in the game.

spk_0:   27:37
Oh, he's not a riel. I will see. I was pretending like I knew who that musician was, cause I was like, I don't know, a lot of pop culture musicians, So I was like, Oh, yeah, KK Slip

spk_1:   27:53
K K Slider is a character in the game.

spk_0:   27:57
Got it,

spk_1:   27:58
and from the like as you play because the game happens in a sort of real time, where days past the same as they do here. So the time it is with me now. The time it is when you're playing is the time it is on the island of your game.

spk_0:   28:14
That's clever. Yeah, it iss and imagine

spk_1:   28:17
level of anticipation, too, because there's little stores on the island, and so

spk_0:   28:21
and they only open a certain times a day.

spk_1:   28:23
Only open certain times a day, and they have different things in them every day. So you wake up feeling I'm gonna check out the shops in

spk_0:   28:30
my island on other people's islands, the visible time You've not been in quarantine. In a way, you've been out shopping instead.

spk_1:   28:40
I've been doing honey. I hadn't even thought of it that way.

spk_0:   28:43
I'm center

spk_1:   28:43
on buying clothes. I've been planting a garden.

spk_0:   28:48
I've really I've been

spk_1:   28:49
doing so many things in this game that I should be doing in real life.

spk_0:   28:52
I've been sitting growing my own food, staring in this base. Yeah, that's what I've ended. You

spk_1:   28:58
know, you. That's not true. Okay, anyway, so K k slider Teak is this little dog who plays the guitar. And so the people who run the islands there they started, sir. Boy, they start saying you like, Hey, look, if we boost our islands profile, we can get the famous musician K K slider to do a concert here. And it's true, it's true. So you have to get people to move to your island you have to decorate the shit out of it.

spk_0:   29:31
You So what kind of music a case lighter does?

spk_1:   29:35
Yes, I dio because no. Because before,

spk_0:   29:39
before you get there, you can buy his music in the shops way and you're not spending, like, really

spk_1:   29:48
know what to do is have Teoh like fuckin fish like a monster yet to be fishing all day long, selling the fish to make money.

spk_0:   29:58
Uh huh.

spk_1:   29:59
That's what I break that capitalism thing. Exactly. So once K K slider finally does come to your island, what is great is because the game happens day by day. There's one day where Tom Nook, who's the proprietor of the island? He says, Great news. You see, it happened right in front of you. He calls k k slider on the phone.

spk_0:   30:29
So he's like the Richard Branson. Yeah, sure, sure. We're like

spk_1:   30:37
the fire festival guy he calls up. You watch him have a phone. Conversation with cake is lighter.

spk_0:   30:44
Oh, my God.

spk_1:   30:45
News K K slider is coming to the island. He's going to a concert here. This is great. So that I play the game. I quit for the day next morning. It starts with the concert, which is which is very weird, because if daytime. But the concert is this little dog playing a guitar, and you and the other characters that live on your island all crowded around him in a semi circle in darkness, lit by whatever light from beneath. Okay, And then he plays a song, which is the music that plays through all of animal crossing that you cannot turn off except this time with fake words,

spk_0:   31:27
right? Oh, and

spk_1:   31:29
then credits roll. This is the beginning of the day.

spk_0:   31:32
Why do credits roll if you're because that's that's

spk_1:   31:34
the quote End of the game.

spk_0:   31:37
Wait, you're at the end of the game.

spk_1:   31:38
That's the That's the as far as the story of the game goes. Yes,

spk_0:   31:43
awaits is Ah, whole story is just to get K K slider to play your personal living room concert

spk_1:   31:49
or in this black void, that's it. And then after that, it is just,

spk_0:   31:58
you know,

spk_1:   31:58
it is just adding to your island.

spk_0:   32:00
This is bleak. Why is a bleak It's bleak because it's a commentary on American life. Okay,

spk_1:   32:12
on the emptiness of consumerism?

spk_0:   32:14
Yes, So I'm pretty happy we were able to chart and new washer dryer set this week. So, um, that doesn't feel that emptied him.

spk_1:   32:27
Now, here's the thing. The whole reason abroad of animal crossing

spk_0:   32:32
to say that you had a good day. No, just a brag. Justice is

spk_1:   32:41
justice. Hey, look, all is not lost. I had a great day on animal Crossing.

spk_0:   32:45
We can, I guess what you're gonna You guys, it blamed you out that you finished the game? No. Okay.

spk_1:   32:53
Before I finished the game. Yeah, the other day. There's morning and I started playing and I did what is called I open my gates, which is you have a little airport in your island and you go to this bird and you say, Hey, I want visitors open the gates and then anyone that is your friend can come visit you on your island like people I know. OK, so I opened the gates and then, like, four or five people came all the same time.

spk_0:   33:28
So they were all playing it at the same time.

spk_1:   33:30
Yeah. They're like running around and stuff like that on my island because it will tell you who's online.

spk_0:   33:38
How are they at the gates of your island at the exact same moment you're opening your gate.

spk_1:   33:42
They're not there at the exact same moment. They have to fly to my island from their island. They have to go there, little help their little airport and fly there. And you get a heads up like, Hey, you know, here comes Lauren. Lap kisses. Coming.

spk_0:   33:57
Did she come to your island?

spk_1:   33:59
She did not. On this occasion, she has been to each other's islands like we're friends. But the thing is, I open my gates and I announced everybody Hey, my Gates wrote. But if you want to come to my island visit Oh, and so like five people did immediately after that, you came in because you were having an emotional thing that you wanted to talk about.

spk_0:   34:23
One shadow all over you.

spk_1:   34:24
No, no, no, it's not that it was. I was investing in what you were saying inside to put the game down, knowing the head thes five people are just running

spk_0:   34:36
rather your hosting apart. I'm not

spk_1:   34:38
interacting with them said all. Yeah, I've just by my little guys just literally sitting on a chair

spk_0:   34:46
when we got but everyone

spk_1:   34:48
was so It was like one of those things where I was only invested in what you were saying, but at the same time, way in the back of my head. It was funny to me. This was also happening.

spk_0:   35:00
I have to say I have, like, bombarded you with so many emotional problems.

spk_1:   35:05
That is not that I know

spk_0:   35:07
your heart. You're not bombarded me. I'll be like, Oh my God, I can't believe this happened and then it it and what people think in it if I say this and that's what. But that's the arrangement,

spk_1:   35:20
honey. It's like we talked to each other about this stuff, you know, bump parting.

spk_0:   35:23
I know, but like at some point, you can't be like the neediest person on planet Earth.

spk_1:   35:28
You're not the need how I would characterize it. But here's the thing.

spk_0:   35:33
And then it's like, Oh, wait a minute. I'm like sucking up everything right now, and I'm like, how come you weren't like dumping on me today? Like I need you to dump on me?

spk_1:   35:44
Well, this is what I was gonna say. Here's the thing is that we're we're in different places at different times, and this is Ah, that's when it things were normal and things were not normal, right?

spk_0:   35:54
No, they're not. And so it's like we just got to

spk_1:   35:57
roll with it as best we

spk_0:   35:57
can. I mean, what is normal? You just

spk_1:   36:02
blew my mind.

spk_0:   36:05
Wait, is that who is that? I don't think anybody particular way you get what you pay for. The best idea are the best idea. So Okay. So Okay, you guys Okay, So the show is you go around America and you're like, going into people's houses, and you're like, you get what you pay for. And then the first thing I say And then I like publishers Clearing house

spk_1:   36:37
where they I ring the doorbell, they come to the door and I say a

spk_0:   36:41
yet. What do you pay for? No, it's like prearranged is not going to be like surprise. Paul was doing a show. If you

spk_1:   36:48
like publishers, clearing house isn't. Come on, grow

spk_0:   36:50
up. I mean, everything is any time you

spk_1:   36:53
see someone way. No, because we're from fake. Like,

spk_0:   36:56
how's everyone miked?

spk_1:   36:57
It's often

spk_0:   36:58
how's everyone liked all the time. Okay. And then you're like you get, will you, babe? Or and then they're like, Oh, my God. I bought this. And it will be like Antiques Roadshow only, like, modern stuff or whatever. And then And you tell him Yeah, Not worth anything. And you're like e l A. And I like, Yeah, I spent all his money on this on this card table. Look, the leg is calling coming up, and you're like, you get what you pay for anything, like good news. We're gonna get you a top of the line card table and then, like their sponsors, the show, like, set him aboard a nice card table and then, like, he gets the have, like, nice car. But this is the best idea. This is the best idea. The best part of the show In the interstitial you play. There's, like, little comedy sketches where you're different characters. I don't see anything I don't between, like in a studio.

spk_1:   37:56
I'm not shooting this down, but it sounds like a number. Only

spk_0:   38:00
the traveling around America part. But the bits the studio here, here, here in Glendale gonna run a studio. It's gonna be Doesn't be easy.

spk_1:   38:10
What are the stakes? Always as low as a new card table.

spk_0:   38:14
There anything you want him to be? Do you want him to be like I paid for my daughter's wedding? And look, I love allows ing all

spk_1:   38:24
the opportunity to judge someone's wedding after the fact that say that it's a

spk_0:   38:28
son in law I got from this shit. Why pay spend like $80,000 on this guy is a fucking Laos. There is a

spk_1:   38:36
show, though, right where people judge each other's weddings.

spk_0:   38:38
I'm not talking about it in the wedding. I'm saying no, I'm talking about that. Now. You get what you pay

spk_1:   38:43
about that now is there? Isn't there a show where somebody where people judge weddings. It's like four people are planning their weddings.

spk_0:   38:50
I don't remember. Like somebody people had, like, plan someone else's wedding or something, or I don't know. All I know is when we got married and your wife swap, you'll get you, babe. Ah, uh, I really like the character bits, sketches in between. I think that's really gonna set you apart like hosting reality Show. Why,

spk_1:   39:15
I dare say. I think the subject matter of the shows is different.

spk_0:   39:20
There's a show where people watch TV and we stare at them So, like, don't judge my car watching silently. Well, you're not gonna Teoh, do you think like they're watching TV? Like Look, this show is gonna heal us because, like, everyone has, like, bought a lemon something and so, like, that's gonna we're all gonna relate to it. And then you're gonna be in, like, You know what? This couch is a piece of shit from great in barrel. There is a spring broken in the middle, and I am sorry that you had to, like, be on computerized told for whatever.

spk_1:   39:57
Remember that discount C C B two Was it that food, Tom thing we got?

spk_0:   40:03
The thing was, there wasn't anything wrong with it. It just was like that for years on.

spk_1:   40:11
The only thing wrong with it was it was a comfortable.

spk_0:   40:13
But my point was, I think it was. They didn't It wasn't effective. Just suck. They didn't hide it from us. You think that's true? Like I fully was like, Oh, mater is modern and hard. They hid it from

spk_1:   40:27
us in the way that it was a bold faced, a bald faced lie like that. This is a good thing you should have in your home.

spk_0:   40:34
I think I even was like on apartment there, being like you have a small space. Here's what you need this food time that may very active, petrified wood or whatever a deceit. Anyway, that was a nightmare. Listen, I feel like the common theme is I get suckered into buying things that don't work out. That's what the theme of this episode is, and I don't know what to say about it other than

spk_1:   41:00
cause you also the car, you're the Ford.

spk_0:   41:03
But that I did, I did get. I didn't get what I paid for because I got money back for that. That's right. I've got money and classics.

spk_1:   41:11
You were involved in 11 lawsuit. It was kind of exciting.

spk_0:   41:15
It wasn't like it covered the whole cost of the thing. It was just like you're not really out as much as you. You didn't feel it is bad. I felt bad.

spk_1:   41:26
You're not alone.

spk_0:   41:27
I feel bad because I took it to CarMax and they they took it off my hands. I mean, I'm you know, basic ice. Then I sold CarMax a lemon, but then I didn't get the lemon settlement until later. That's true. Yeah, CarMax got some lemon settlement money to. You know what they should have, because they should. Not about that Ford, the Ford Fiesta from me or whatever. Yeah, that was thinking that I was like, Guys, I always try to be frugal. It is a nightmare. And enough. Any more money than Van been necessary? We called it

spk_1:   42:04
the Blue Banana. And I don't know why

spk_0:   42:07
I came here. I called the Blue Banana, but it was a blue banana, and it was like a blue lemon m. It was like whatever. Anyway,

spk_1:   42:17
anyway, we're stole. That car did not kill

spk_0:   42:20
us anyway. Anyway, it's like whatever. I don't know this is going to be such a friendship. I don't like the travel part for you, but as an e p on it, though I guess I'm going with you to these places. So we'll be is bad, I guess. What? We

spk_1:   42:39
will do them in one place. Like until literally

spk_0:   42:42
like we do like, one whole season in Hawaii or we dio your two

spk_1:   42:46
whole seasons in a why

spk_0:   42:48
this show takes place in a while.

spk_1:   42:50
We find out what the wise someplace where people buy a lot of junk.

spk_0:   42:55
Five seasons and a movie in Hawaii moving you like an antiques roadshow, because here's a well, but yours is so much better because you're gonna have those introductions, sketches that we shoot, and you're gonna play different character every time. Like there's gonna be, like, a movie that comes out of those characters.

spk_1:   43:17
This is a I gotta say, honey, this is a bold vision.

spk_0:   43:20
I think it's so easy and it's, like, cheap to do. And it's like people are gonna love the show.

spk_1:   43:27
We tell. Roast that card table, man,

spk_0:   43:30
listen, Carnivals like a But it could be anything it could be like. I collect vintage appliances and I got this, like, you know, this. So what? Dr have knowledge of the stuff. All you have to do okay, is show the fuck up. I don't

spk_1:   43:48
like you are as a producer.

spk_0:   43:51
I am like, You know what?

spk_1:   43:52
Don't talk to me this way from the crew, because they'll lose respect for me.

spk_0:   43:58
Okay? Okay. You go to your trailer, honey, I'm gonna send a p a n with some lemon tea. Lemon tea. Just show up. You Can you just turn it on you gotta turn on the charm. But once the cameras were rolling, I want to see the charm you got. All you to do is draw them out. That's it. Oh, Where'd you find this? Do you love vintage furniture? You know, like, yeah, it's just gonna be Maybe you should

spk_1:   44:25
be the home. Yeah, I should be the producer.

spk_0:   44:27
No, no,

spk_1:   44:29
I mean that right there that that drew me in, drew me in and drew me out.

spk_0:   44:35
I will be. I wait occasional foil in some. Your comments.

spk_1:   44:42
Uh, so you have the

spk_0:   44:44
I Can you straighten

spk_1:   44:46
that the credit.

spk_0:   44:47
I'm gonna straight me.

spk_1:   44:47
And they just show up in every third sketch where I have to do new characters every single time.

spk_0:   44:52
I'm sorry, the e p. Credit of coming up with an entire series of television. Yeah, OK, I'll just

spk_1:   45:01
get a movie.

spk_0:   45:04
I'm just gonna get the e v credit or whatever.

spk_1:   45:08
All right. I feel like what? It's time to wind

spk_0:   45:11
out. What better now? Anything, Danny boy. Right now? Yeah, I know. Guys. Okay. Can I tell the Can I tell the world?

spk_1:   45:23
I don't know. What

spk_0:   45:24
do you do? This three a lot. How do you not know what I mean? Help

spk_1:   45:31
is OK if I tell them. I don't know what? Don't me first.

spk_0:   45:36
I literally just reference Danny Roy. And then as if I can tell the world you don't know what I'm going to tell the world

spk_1:   45:41
about my show that I don't do

spk_0:   45:42
any more. Yeah, but the deigning way fart. Oh, sure, Yeah. Well, you could tell them. Why do you ask me about that? I don't know. That's going to be on you Get what you pay for.

spk_1:   45:58
I sing Danny boy.

spk_0:   45:59
You know why? Because Danny boy's free and you get Would you favor?

spk_1:   46:06
I used to do this variety show for many, many years, often on a Los Angeles. Can I

spk_0:   46:12
just interject a really quick? Sure. It was, like, not just a variety show. It was the show. It was the show. Okay. Okay of everyone heard that and took note. It was like fucking magic.

spk_1:   46:35
It was a very fun show. It was a lot of it was a lot of work, and so I periodically would take breaks from it. But I would close the show by singing Danny Boy and I would just riff on the just refund. Whatever.

spk_0:   46:47
Okay, but that sounds like Like who? Clean dinner. Wayne Rip. It was like, this is Monica. It was like this a monumental moment in this show. Okay, Where? Evidence letter would play panel. He started Danny boy and empowered Come out and he would start like my knowledge izing, um, to the Danny boy thing. But it was always, like, woven into somehow, like the theme of the show. And it would go on for, like, 15 minutes. Sometimes it's like 20 minutes, and it was like You just went on this roller coaster. It was, like, kind of like the most awesome part of show. Like the Danny.

spk_1:   47:23
A lot of people said that, Yeah, it was fun. It was unique. And it was when

spk_0:   47:27
you say, a lot of people said that like when you were doing, could you feel like this is such a like spontaneous moment? Like, it's so it's so I think that I think that that

spk_1:   47:36
was a definite moment of connection with the audience that everyone knew that it was all improvised and spontaneous and happening right in front of them. And, um and yeah, it was a lot of fun. And I you know that I like doing that with Evin Schlitter. Playing piano is so I loved it. I always loved it. I always loved it. Um,

spk_0:   48:00
it was, like, so special. Like, every time you did that, you know, it was I think you're variety Show is probably, like the most you thing that you've ever done. Probably like it's the most. Like, if you're gonna put like Paul's comedy in A in A in A in a category like that is the thing where you could, like, showed, like, every angle of who you are comedically because, like, it was like this road

spk_1:   48:30
to the show itself,

spk_0:   48:31
the show itself And because it had every little element,

spk_1:   48:35
it was all the things that I like to do.

spk_0:   48:37
It was all the things that you like to dio.

spk_1:   48:38
Now I'm getting embarrassed that we're talking about me because

spk_0:   48:43
I said you had to close the podcast by singing

spk_1:   48:46
I'm not gonna do by the way. But I think there might you

spk_0:   48:48
might be able

spk_1:   48:49
to find it online because I did it as an extra for, um, laboring under delusions. which I shot for comedy special that I shot for Comedy Central. And so after the I did an hour stand up and then for the live audience, I did Danny Boy with Evan, and it went on the DVD, and I I seem to remember it being available online.

spk_0:   49:11
Yeah, but I mean, like, when you say online, you just mean that version you don't mean like all of the

spk_1:   49:14
versions that large, but,

spk_0:   49:16
like, do you have those versions from Margo

spk_1:   49:18
somewhere home? Have some I don't know if they hold up.

spk_0:   49:21
Yeah, they would. I don't know. I don't know. I would be fun to see. That's what we should break out.

spk_1:   49:27
I don't think I have. I don't know what I have on video. I have probably more. Who cares anyway? We should wind this up. Any recommendations?

spk_0:   49:36
Well, I just started new podcast today that I'm really liking. It's called, Um I just told you the name of it, and now I can't remember the name of it.

spk_1:   49:44
Oh, it's a movie. Podcast

spk_0:   49:46
is about Peter Bogdanovich.

spk_1:   49:49
The first season is about I know.

spk_0:   49:51
I know what it's called. The plot, the plot. Okay, so Ben Mink always hosts it. Who am a big fan of Josh Renko? It's from Dateline. I follow him one on Twitter, and he Lake is so amusing to me because he's so He's like, he's, like, kind of a dry sense of humor online. Um, anyway, I want to be his friend, but I don't know anyway. So then Penguins hosted its call. The plot thickens. The first season is about Peter Bogdanovich, and so far, the 1st 2 episodes. Air really, really good. Um, some excited about that. I'm also weirdly reading. I don't know. This is a recommendation. No, I won't save that for later. Okay. Oh, wait. We started watching Mrs America. On who?

spk_1:   50:36
I think we mentioned that last week.

spk_0:   50:37
We did? Yeah. What day is it?

spk_1:   50:39
You know, Well, it's Friday that we always know that we do this on Friday. So that's the one. That's our

spk_0:   50:45
only day that we know it. Data.

spk_1:   50:47
Let's remember, um I want to recommend a podcast called You're the Man Now, Dog, which is an improv podcasts. Ah, Ryan Rosenberg and Dan Lippert, who were to really funny guys. They occasionally have guests, but, um ah, lot of times, just the two of them.

spk_0:   51:07
You know them?

spk_1:   51:08
Yes, I do. They're really funny. They're part of a group called Big Grand A, which Drew Tarver is also in on a guy named John Mackey may have a podcast called the Teacher's Lounge, All for them together, but you're the man Now, Dog is just these two guys with the occasional guests, and it's really funny. And, um, you know, their their friends. I like hearing them, ah, relate to each other and chat as well as, you know, be hilarious improvisers. So, yeah, that's my That's my recommendation for this week. Trying to think there's anything else. Oh, I should tell people a special event that I'm doing. Oh, yeah, I am doing

spk_0:   51:45
your event

spk_1:   51:45
a play online. We're gonna be doing this live online. Um, it's gonna be me and racy Horn from Better Call Saul. Ah, and it's written by, ah, Bill Corbett of Mystery Science Theater fame, and I want to get his co author. Come on, man. Paul, why weren't you prepared before now?

spk_0:   52:13
Maybe because we're drunk. Do you think I'm not dropping? I'm going to be I am not, either.

spk_1:   52:19
Here we go? Yes, it's written by Bill Corbett and Kira Obolensky. It is called Hate Mail, and it's a parody of love letters, which is the famous sit down show that married actors or associated actors love to do.

spk_0:   52:35
Well, my friend did you know You know my

spk_1:   52:37
well, Let me explain. Play the love letters is two people, uh, writing love letters to each other

spk_0:   52:44
like they are growing years. I mean,

spk_1:   52:46
it's like, what?

spk_0:   52:47
Air Gurney? Who wrote?

spk_1:   52:49
Who cares? By now, Public domain wrote it. And so two people sit on opposite sides of the stage at little tables, and they pretend they're writing these letters to each other. And so Bill and Kira wrote this one called Hate mail. Um, which is sort of the opposite of that. That's clever. Yeah. And so it's me and racy Horn. Um, and we're gonna be doing it. Ah, 9 p.m. Eastern six PM, Pacific on Saturday, May 9th and benefit for ah, partners in health. So there you go.

spk_0:   53:22
So, wait, Did you say nine. Wait, it's six PM Pacific

spk_1:   53:25
9 p.m. Eastern. Six PM, Pacific. That's right.

spk_0:   53:27
Okay, So if you're overseas, you might want to catch it like another time.

spk_1:   53:31
Check out Greenwich mean time. I wish I could do the Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how long it's going to stay up there. I don't know, because I know we've done the thrilling adventure, our benefits, where you can they will be archived, and you can pay to watch the archive on those also for charity as well. So I think this will probably be the same deal. But there you go. Saturday, May 9th. I'll have the, uh, ticket link up on my website. Paul F Tompkins dot com slash life

spk_0:   53:56
So, my friend, one of my friends were drawn school. Aaron Anderson Gardner. Her parents are actors, and she grew up in the in the Twin Cities, and her parents did a Rhine of Love letters at the I want to say it's called, like the Chanhassen Dinner Theater. She told me some funny stories, but nobody's actually and, um, they did it for I want to say I'm gonna I'm making this up now, but it's not totally off the mark like 28 years. Yeah, or something. That's wild. Yeah, like they like they That's how they made their living as actors, like his equity actors under this contract for

spk_1:   54:38
decades. And the beauty of this play is that you don't to memorize anything. And yet there's no way they didn't end up knowing that play by heart.

spk_0:   54:46
Oh, for sure, for sure.

spk_1:   54:48
Then they had to pretend that

spk_0:   54:50
they're like that. It was new. They

spk_1:   54:54
pretend that they're reading and writing.

spk_0:   54:56
But like, that's cool, huh? Yeah, my friend likes you, Grew up in like an actor, family and her brothers like a musician and and, um and now she does she She knows American sign language. Her husband and they do They sign theatre shows

spk_1:   55:11
there, which is fantastic.

spk_0:   55:13
Yeah, it's prequel. That's my little guys. That's my little name drop story regarding a love letters

spk_1:   55:19
by a r. Gurney.

spk_0:   55:22
Maybe, maybe

spk_1:   55:24
Afghani. If you're listening, tell us that you were love letters.

spk_0:   55:29
Me. And if you want to get in on this, you get what you pay for action.

spk_1:   55:34
Good. You're looking for investors were not joining Kickstarter. Send us cash money in the mail. All right,

spk_0:   55:44
that's everybody. Thanks for listening. They've be safe. He's saying

spk_1:   55:48
he saying and be

spk_0:   55:50
salient. What we last week we

spk_1:   55:53
closed it perfectly. Stay. Stay safe. Stay saying stay inside, Link. So good. Okay, bye. But